You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
