First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
