I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
