Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
