If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
