Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
