I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
