I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
