he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
