Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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