Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
