I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
