I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
