I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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