I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
