I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You need Xanax blowdarts
sex in a hospital.. check
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
