Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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