I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
