He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
