it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
