dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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