You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
