don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
