The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just invented taco cereal.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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