I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
