it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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