im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
