it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
A bitchslap is in order.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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