I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
