She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
