I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
