Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
3pm strippers are depressing
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
