I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
