I seem to have left my pride at pride
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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