You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
