it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
