This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
