To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
