Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
