Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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