do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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