I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
