Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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