im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
