sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
