dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
