dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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