im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
