I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
