there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
