we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Randomize
