I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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