i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
