yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
