I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
