just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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