she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
